Satisfying
Thoughts from My Yearly Run
I’m not stalling, I swear, I just need to Google best-stretches-running-question-mark.
Read MoreWhat I Think I’ll Find in My Inbox When I Compulsively Check My Email 50 Times a Day
Dear Future Pulitzer Winner: Out of our hundreds of submissions, not a single one has the cachet to pull our magazine out of the pit of tedium.
Read MoreWe’re the Bank That Acquired Your Bank and You Have to Trust Us
Trust is more than just a word to us—it’s a word we now use twice in our name. See how trustworthy we are?
Read MoreYou’ve Earned a University Achievement!
As you level up, possible life paths include True Crime Podcasting and Stay-At-Home Child.
Read MoreMad Libs for a Best-Selling Romantasy Epic
Now, there was another creature I longed to ride, ____________ [normal man’s name except all vowels replaced with Ys].
Read MoreListen, Cat: I’m Not the Out-Of-Control Infant You Once Knew
Look, I know I’ve made mistakes in the past. The kicking. The jabbing. The grabbing. I was a real loose cannon there for a while.
Read MorePlease Stop Doing Crimes in Our CubeSmart
I’ll cut to the chase-Please stop running blackjack tables out of the CubeSmart.
Read MoreShut Up, Antidiabetic Medicine Jardiance®, Just Shut Up—You Had Me at “Serious Side Effects Can Include Necrotizing Fasciitis”
I’ll never forget how safe you made me feel, the way you blocked the SGLT2 found in the proximal tubules of nephrotic components in my kidneys.
Read MoreSOS! The Titanic Is Sinking and the Band Won’t Play Any Requests
Say… you there, clinging to the railing for dear life: would you like to hear some facts about jazz?
Read MoreEverybody Loves Raymond, Got It?
Every one of His punchlines, every expression He makes to elicit a laugh must be met with an unequivocal, unmistakable outburst. Or else.
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