Satisfying
Diagraming Your Perfectly Pleasant Post-Interview Email Back to Me
“Thanks for taking the time to meet.” Alright, I see. I took the time to meet. I did you a favor, huh.
Read MoreIn Our Defense, When We Started Naming the Layers of the Ocean, We Didn’t Know How Much There Was
Wow, coral, fish, AND crabs—sounds biodiverse as hell. Whatcha gonna call it? The… “sunlight zone”?
Read MoreEffective Immediately, We Are Cancelling Our Mentor-Manatee Program
We are especially pleased to announce that one of our program participants was named one of “30 Under 30 Feet of Water.” (Best of luck, Bubbles!)
Read MoreOur Neighborhood Watch Is Just a Guy Holding a Plastic Bag Watching Women Parallel Park
We dispatch a man with a plastic bag (full of loose Arizona iced teas) to stare at her so hard she gets the dry sweats.
Read MoreCoping with Your Acquaintance’s Divorce
If your therapist asks you whether Jason is your father, calmly explain that he’s your college friend’s old roommate.
Read MoreDueling Tips from a Veteran Duelist
Judicial combat is a seminal moment and, with a record of 22-0 (humans) and 1-1 (trumpeter swan, with rematch), you’ve come to the right person for advice!
Read MoreEven Cookie Monster Sick of Accepting All Cookies
That’s when Cookie Monster start to wonder, who real monster…
Read MoreThe Near-Future Dystopia in Which Everything Is Taylor Swift
I come downstairs and kiss my wife, Taylor Swift, and ruffle the hair of my son, Taylor Swift.
Read MoreEveryone Is Inherently Worthy of Love, Respect, and Belonging — Except for You
My metaphysical hands are tied. It’s up to the collective hearts and minds of all that have been, that are, and that have yet to be.
Read MoreThe Trick-Question Section of the Student Aptitude for Withstanding Testing Anxiety Admission Test
John feels that trick questions on standardized tests are A) Necessary, B) Vexing, C) Forgromulent, or D) A word we made up just to trick John?
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