Thank You for Taking the Survey About Our Survey

We hope you enjoyed your recent dining experience at Big Bill’s Fried Chicken and Margarita Patio. Your feedback is important to us. Please fill out our thirty-second survey and let us know how we’re doing.

Thank you for spending your valuable thirty seconds filling out the survey about your recent experience at Big Bill’s Fried Chicken and Margarita Patio. Could you please take a minute more to fill out a survey about our survey? We’re conducting this second survey to optimize your experience of taking the first survey.

Thank you for filling out the survey about our survey. Big Bill himself read the results. Because some of your answers were a little short, Bill is wondering if surveys are the most effective way to solicit customer feedback. In order to serve you better, we hope you will complete an additional survey about whether you like surveys or not. It should only take five minutes, tops.

Thank you for letting us know that you hate surveys and only do them out of guilt. Because your opinions remain important to us, instead of a survey, would you take just twenty minutes to look at a series of inkblots and tell us how each one makes you feel and also whether you would order a banana flavored margarita if we added it to our drinks menu and called it a Big Bill Banana Banger? No pressure, but, between us, Bill says you’re our most valued customer.

Thank you for generously responding to our inkblot test. Unfortunately, your responses failed to enlighten us about your margarita preferences and ultimately left us with more questions than answers. For example, why did the blot that clearly looked like chicken fingers make you say you didn’t feel that your father had ever been truly proud of you? In an attempt to unpack any feelings of resentment towards your father that you may have projected onto Big Bill, he’s wondering if you would come sit with him on the The Patio as he holds your hands, looks deep into your eyes and a trained therapist leads you through a series of trust exercises and honey mustard taste tests. Big Bill says he’s counting on you to keep him from having to lay off staff.

Thank you for spending your Friday evening with Big Bill. He wants you to know he’s sorry he dropped you during the trust fall. Bill was distracted because he was worried you praised the spice level of our spicy thighs and breasts just because you were drunk on Banana Bangers. We could really use your help reassuring him. Could you please stop by the patio after work and participate in Big Bill’s Annual Spicy Thighs and Breasts Eating Contest. He’s added ghost peppers to the batter just for you. We know it’s a lot to ask, but Bill says we may have to shut down if he can’t get the spice level right, and I really need this job because my wife is expecting our first baby soon.

Thank you for participating in Big Bill’s Spicy Thighs and Breasts Eating Contest. We apologize that the drumsticks were so spicy that you “saw Jesus.” Unfortunately, this incident has confirmed Bill’s worst fears, and at this point he is afraid to make any moves without your express approval. We hate to ask, but would it be possible for Big Bill to spend the weekend at your house experimenting with different recipes? Please say yes, he’s already packing his spices, and I’m headed to the hospital because my wife’s contractions have started.

Thank you for spending the weekend with Bill. We’re sorry to hear that he has barricaded himself in your shed with a bottle of tequila and his deep fryer after you said that you never want to see another piece of fried chicken again. You’ve truly gone above and beyond by providing your indispensable opinions. Thanks to you, Bill says he’s finally cracked the spice question and will now add an extra half teaspoon of salt to our batter. In order to say thank you, we’ve entered you in a drawing to win one complimentary Big Bill Banana Banger. And my wife says we can name the baby after you.