Rejected Muppets

Name: Scraggle
Species: Wombat
Physical Appearance: Undead
Personality: Plays with fire, licks himself, drives over the speed limit, wanted in 6 states


Name: Dick Van Dyke
Species: Jerk
Physical Appearance: Tall and rude
Personality: Straight white man


Name: Officer Bunches
Species: NYPD
Physical Appearance: Three-hundred-and-fifty pounds of red felt
Personality: A parking ticket


Name: Donna
Species: Lesbian
Physical Appearance: A walking motorcycle
Personality: A talking motorcycle


Name: Mark Ruffalo
Species: Mark Ruffalo
Physical Appearance: Mark Ruffalo
Personality: Mark Ruffalo


Name: Cocaine Parrot
Species: Grey parrot
Physical Appearance: Parrot on cocaine
Personality: A tightly-rolled twenty-dollar bill


Name: Divorced Kermit
Species: Frog but divorced
Physical Appearance: Disheveled and greasy
Personality: Desperate


Name: Dr. Morgan Morgan
Species: Psychiatrist
Physical Appearance: Scandinavian MCM, 5’10”
Personality: Teaches children to weaponize therapy speak


Name: The President
Species: Hound
Physical Appearance: Floppy ears, turtleneck, ball-gag
Personality: Fair Weather Fan


Name: Rooster
Species: Rooster
Physical Appearance: Sentient Feather Boa
Personality: Vaping


Name: John Lennon
Species: Monster under the bed
Physical Appearance: Sepia Toned Void
Personality: Whispering conspiracy theories while children sleep


Name: Snorlax
Species: Yarn
Physical Appearance: Big ball of yarn
Personality: Impossible to unravel


Name: Elizabeth Fangs
Species: Vampire
Physical Appearance: Vampiric
Personality: Sucking blood, can’t count for shit, love-bomber and gaslighter


Name: Elmo II
Species: A slightly bigger Elmo
Physical Appearance: Elmo, but slightly bigger
Personality: Elmo Enhanced


Name: Kentucky Charles
Species: Salesman
Physical Appearance: Big Trench Coat Full of Watches
Personality: “Want to buy a cheap Rolex?”


Name: Sick Gonzo
Species: Gonzo, but he’s very sick
Physical Appearance: Gangrenous
Personality: Raw Milk, Stagnant Water


Name: The Bounty Hunter
Species: Paper towel roll
Physical Appearance: Soggy
Personality: The quicker picker upper (absorbent) and faster putter downer (has a gun)


Name: Mitch
Species: Turtle Senator
Physical Appearance: Dana Carvey
Personality: Master of Disguise, Evil Legislator


Name: The Lithuanian Chef
Species: International Fugitive
Physical Appearance: The Swedish Chef, but Lithuanian
Personality: See above


Name: Krillian Murphy
Species: Ghost Shrimp
Physical Appearance: Translucent
Personality: We don’t know because we haven’t been able to find him since 2006