Rejected Muppets
Name: Scraggle
Species: Wombat
Physical Appearance: Undead
Personality: Plays with fire, licks himself, drives over the speed limit, wanted in 6 states
Name: Dick Van Dyke
Species: Jerk
Physical Appearance: Tall and rude
Personality: Straight white man
Name: Officer Bunches
Species: NYPD
Physical Appearance: Three-hundred-and-fifty pounds of red felt
Personality: A parking ticket
Name: Donna
Species: Lesbian
Physical Appearance: A walking motorcycle
Personality: A talking motorcycle
Name: Mark Ruffalo
Species: Mark Ruffalo
Physical Appearance: Mark Ruffalo
Personality: Mark Ruffalo
Name: Cocaine Parrot
Species: Grey parrot
Physical Appearance: Parrot on cocaine
Personality: A tightly-rolled twenty-dollar bill
Name: Divorced Kermit
Species: Frog but divorced
Physical Appearance: Disheveled and greasy
Personality: Desperate
Name: Dr. Morgan Morgan
Species: Psychiatrist
Physical Appearance: Scandinavian MCM, 5’10”
Personality: Teaches children to weaponize therapy speak
Name: The President
Species: Hound
Physical Appearance: Floppy ears, turtleneck, ball-gag
Personality: Fair Weather Fan
Name: Rooster
Species: Rooster
Physical Appearance: Sentient Feather Boa
Personality: Vaping
Name: John Lennon
Species: Monster under the bed
Physical Appearance: Sepia Toned Void
Personality: Whispering conspiracy theories while children sleep
Name: Snorlax
Species: Yarn
Physical Appearance: Big ball of yarn
Personality: Impossible to unravel
Name: Elizabeth Fangs
Species: Vampire
Physical Appearance: Vampiric
Personality: Sucking blood, can’t count for shit, love-bomber and gaslighter
Name: Elmo II
Species: A slightly bigger Elmo
Physical Appearance: Elmo, but slightly bigger
Personality: Elmo Enhanced
Name: Kentucky Charles
Species: Salesman
Physical Appearance: Big Trench Coat Full of Watches
Personality: “Want to buy a cheap Rolex?”
Name: Sick Gonzo
Species: Gonzo, but he’s very sick
Physical Appearance: Gangrenous
Personality: Raw Milk, Stagnant Water
Name: The Bounty Hunter
Species: Paper towel roll
Physical Appearance: Soggy
Personality: The quicker picker upper (absorbent) and faster putter downer (has a gun)
Name: Mitch
Species: Turtle Senator
Physical Appearance: Dana Carvey
Personality: Master of Disguise, Evil Legislator
Name: The Lithuanian Chef
Species: International Fugitive
Physical Appearance: The Swedish Chef, but Lithuanian
Personality: See above
Name: Krillian Murphy
Species: Ghost Shrimp
Physical Appearance: Translucent
Personality: We don’t know because we haven’t been able to find him since 2006