Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Short Story Submission’s Attachment
From: [email protected]
Dear editors,
Please consider the attached “The Black Hole Knights” for publication in Zest Journal. I know you do not normally consider science-fiction or fantasy but I think you will make an exception for this story! My work has previously appeared in Perineum Quarterly and on my website. I hope to hear from you soon.
Many thanks,
Leonard Grant
From: [email protected]
Dear editors,
Thank you so much for your prompt reply! I’m not very good with computers, could you clarify what you mean by “you somehow attached your son to your previous email rather than your story”? We were beyond worried looking for Andy, though, so I’m glad he’s shown up at your end. Please write back as soon as possible.
Many thanks,
Leonard
From: [email protected]
Dear editors,
Thank you for clarifying. The wife has also been educating me on email attachments. In answer to your question, no, I’m not sure how I managed it. As I said, I’m not very good with computers, but I’m glad to hear he’s secure inside your inbox. He can be a real handful at times. Would it be possible to withdraw my submission and thereby retrieve my son? There is no immediate rush.
Many thanks,
Leonard
From: [email protected]
Dear editors,
“Submissions have closed and withdrawing your story would prevent you from entering another in this submission period”? This is quite disappointing; I had hoped to get my son back AND for you to consider my actual story. It features a holy order of intergalactic knights who use gravity wells as siege weapons. It has received excellent feedback in my critique circle. I have attached it to this email in hopes that you are able to consider it instead.
Many thanks,
Leonard
From: [email protected]
Dear editors,
Of course I understand that multiple submissions are not allowed. And for the sake of argument, yes, I know I cannot submit my son anywhere else whilst he is still under consideration at Zest Journal. Is there a timeframe on decisions being made?
Many thanks,
Leonard
From: [email protected]
Dear editors,
Oh. That’s quite a long time. Would it be possible to expedite the process, with my submission being a living, breathing biological being? (On that note, I assume he is physically fine inside the attachment?) He is due at school on Monday morning.
Many thanks,
Leonard
From: [email protected]
Dear editors,
No, I completely understand the sanctity of the editorial process. That’s not a problem. As requested, here is an updated cover letter to accompany my submission:
Please find attached “Andy”, an experimental literary piece. I estimate that he averages between 5,000 and 10,000 words per day, so he adheres to the word count restrictions. My work has previously appeared in Perineum Quarterly and on my website. I hope to hear from you soon.
Many thanks,
Leonard
from: [email protected]
Dear editors,
Sorry to bother you again (again). I have had quite a telling off from the wife and am under strict instruction to, and I quote, “stop farting about with your silly space stories that no-one wants to read and get our boy back.” Please can I withdraw the story so you can email the attachment back to me?
Many thanks,
Leonard
from: [email protected]
Dear editors,
When you say “can’t you just go into your outbox and open the original attachment from there?”—is that a new feature? I’m on Yahoo.
Many thanks,
Leonard
from: [email protected]
Dear editors,
Thank you for your help in resolving the matter. Andy is home safe, if a little shaken and incredibly confused. He keeps ranting about not being sure if he’s the real original him and what about the attachment that’s still in your inbox, but I told him to stop overthinking things. I suspect things may take a little while to patch up with the wife, but the important thing is that everyone is okay.
Expect to see an actual story from me during the next open call for submissions! I am currently drafting a workplace romance set inside an exploding neutron star.
Many thanks,
Leonard