Satisfying

Stimulate Your Baby’s Senses: But avoid actual stimulants, like coffee and Red Bull.

Don’t be fooled by what may look like simple affection. This is a manipulation tactic meant to keep you emotionally reliant on the Narcissist.

Is it even a crime to steal pasta? Oh right, it is.

I like to say we should glorify God in everything we do, but is it really “glorifying” the Lord when you’re sucking major ass in the dodgeball arena?

But please whisper these questions. I fell into this lion’s den at the zoo and the lions are sleeping. I want to keep it that way.

I took an “I Voted” sticker and slapped it on. The anti-participation trophy faction in the stands booed this profusely.

I have to defend the rich, so that in a theoretical future where I become ultra-wealthy, I can benefit the same way they do now.

George Clooney here, I’m reaching out as a supporter of the Democratic party. Your time is valuable, so I’ll be blunt. We’re going to rob a casino.

You programmed the screens to only play “The Fast and the Furious”—my favorite movie… in 2006.

Now you’re thinking, “Wait, is that kid’s sexy childless uncle visiting from somewhere cool like Denmark?”