Online Sports Betting Needs to Be Tightly Regulated Right After This Eagles Game Wraps Up

Geez, another DraftKings ad. They’re relentless, aren’t they? I feel like the whole sports betting thing has gotten a little out of hand. Congress should do something, just as soon as Jalen Hurts throws for 250 yards and two or more touchdowns.

We need some common-sense protections. Did you know gambling provides the same kind of dopamine hit that drugs do? See, right there, when A.J. Brown caught that deep ball! Did you feel that? That can’t be healthy.

That’s why we need to take action and implement safeguards for anyone placing their first bet, a topic I’d love to expand upon right after this play.

Awesome, we really needed that first down.

Anyway, you don’t have to be an addict to have a problem. Even a savvy gambler can be lured into making a seven-leg parlay that at the moment looks extremely promising. Some guardrails would be nice, once I order a new 60” flatscreen.

I’m not saying ban it, I’m just not sure it should be this accessible to people who aren’t me.

All these celebrity endorsements normalize and encourage a habit that would seem pretty toxic if not for the Eagles’ gangbusters first half. Maybe state gaming commissions should step in after the Eagles make the Super Bowl. Yeah, that was a futures bet I made way back in August, got it at +1200.

But this shaky third quarter is really illustrating the need for more regulation. Sports betting is fun, but ethically speaking it’s questionable—like Jalen Hurts’ potential return to this game. Did you see what happened? I was on my phone doubling down on a receiving prop that suddenly doesn’t look so hot.

Shit, he’s headed to the locker room. There goes my nephew’s birthday present.

See, even a sharp bettor could never have seen that last play coming. Rashan Gary forces a fumble and returns it 52 yards for a Packers touchdown. If you put your entire tax return on the Eagles, that’s the kind of bad luck you’ll be thinking about for a long time.

That’s why when it comes to more tightly regulating sports betting in this country, I’ve always said that time is of the essence. Ideally, a nationwide ban in the next 11 minutes and 39 seconds, plus media breaks.

For too long we’ve kicked the can down the road and claimed the issue can wait. But while Brandon McManus is launching one through the uprights, we’re wasting precious time instead of outlawing this barbaric and dangerous vice.

It’s not just the morally sound course of action—enacting hardline anti-gambling measures before today’s post-game coverage will help millions of Americans just like me. Especially me. Widely available sports betting is tearing families apart, enabling addiction, and now that Reed Blankenship is nursing a groin sprain, seriously threatening the $2,200 I had earmarked for a new racing bike.

As a country we have a choice to make, and just over ten minutes to make it. We can get serious about prohibiting sports gambling and issuing refunds on any pending Wild Card props, or we can let money-grubbing corporate bookies continue to swindle blue-collar regional vice presidents like myself. The choice is clear.

But really, is anything ever so black and white? Saquon Barkley just rumbled for 40 yards, putting the Eagles at first and goal, and all of this “banning sports gambling” mumbo-jumbo would be thrown out in an appellate court anyway. How about we stop talking politics and I send you my FanDuel referral code?