I’m Growing My Playoff Beard for These Non-Sports Reasons

  • The office chili cook-off
  • Your third-grader’s spelling bee
  • The bull market
  • In vitro fertilization, fourth round
  • Securing a second round of investment funding
  • The federal government shutdown
  • Collecting unemployment
  • Nana just went into hospice
  • Your midlife crisis
  • The Great British Baking Show
  • Potty training the puppy
  • Finding a spot during alternate-side parking
  • Hormone-replacement therapy to treat your hot flashes
  • Giving him the silent treatment
  • Marriage counseling
  • The reading of Nana’s will
  • Divorce mediation
  • The midterm election
  • The next presidential elec– Kidding, we won’t be having any more of those
  • The next Supreme Court justice to croak on the bench
  • The next live-streamed Gen Z coup
  • The Supreme Court conclave
  • The Doomsday Clock
  • The Parousia
  • Elon makes it to Mars
  • Trump’s Nobel Peace Prize
  • Gaining your mother-in-law’s grudging acceptance
  • Passage of the Equal Rights Amendment, renamed the Methuselah Act of 2917
Posted in Satisfying