Bro, Last Night Was a Movie—Specifically, a Yorgos Lanthimos Movie

Bretttt, last night was a movie. Specifically, a movie featuring the hallmarks of our favorite Greek Weird Wave writer/director.

Yeah, “Greek” like Greece. Not Sigma Chi.

I’m talking about YL, you puss. No, not Young Lean. Yorgos Lanthimos!

Tf do you mean “Yorgos who”? You were Lanthimos-maxxing all night. I saw you talking to Becca. Your vibe was soooo post-op lobotomy patient. Like, instead of being human, you were just impersonating one, you know? You’re built different, man. The Iota Lambda chapter’s very own Bella Baxter.

The vibes were immaculate tho (familiar yet alien, with an emotional charge that speaks to both the subconscious and conscious mind alike). So fuckin’ steezy.

SHIT, Bret. Things make so much more sense now after ID’ing your source material. My b for not always seeing your vision. Like when you kidnapped a brood of chickens and released them on campus. Yeah, we were suspended from spring semester rush for two years. But, obviously, you were exploring themes such as dominance, submission, and freedom. Some existential-ass absurd-ass dark comedy shit. I feel like such a pledge rn. Dead ass.

Btw, what’re you doing Tuesday? Maybe we crack a case of Natty, screen The Killing of a Sacred Deer, and kill some sacred beers? Then pop an edible and discuss the strain for purpose in an absurd world? I just missed the last piece of a five-leg parlay, and getting cross-faded with someone of your sensibilities would mean a lot to me.

FWIW, it’s unfair that Becca’s friends are calling you misogynistic. They don’t get that calling her a crazy mega bitch was metaphoric. I get it, though—she’s crazy because everyone’s crazy. In fact, in a world gone mad, you’re crazy if you’re not crazy. It is lowkey very validating to call her that, and I’m sorry she didn’t understand when she dumped you.

Plus, you’re right, what does misogynistic even mean? Language is unfixed and fickle. The hope of honest dialogue is as futile as playing intramural lax in a hall of mirrors. This head ass flawed system of communication we call language.

Chill, dude. Why’re you pressed? I’m not trying to say you’re derivative or anything.

And don’t sweat that video of police laughing at you for running from your own house party on foot. Sure, people in the GM are calling it cringe. But I think eventually they’ll see it was a leitmotif as you returned to the exploration of dominance vs submission and shit. Thank you for respecting my intelligence and not spoon-feeding me exposition.

I meant to ask, now that Becca ended things, do you know what kind of animal you want to be turned into if you don’t find someone before formal? A frat hound? I’m fucking with you, you puss! Modern alienation is suchhh a bitch tho.

Pissed I blacked out so early. I had fun but honestly, it’s pretty blurry and very disjointed. If someone asks why I liked it, I might have a hard time explaining.

Anyway, lets start this fuckin study sesh. Oh, the wifi password? “Some wounds do not close; I have many such. One just walks around with them and sometimes one can feel them filling with blood. The Favourite (2018)”