Evidence That Your Lawyer Isn’t a Lawyer, They Just Played One on Law & Order
Exhibit 1: Upon being assigned your case, they don’t ask how you want to plead, they ask if you were introduced in the first or second act.
Exhibit 2: When attempting to establish reasonable doubt, they ask if you have had any suspicious encounters with popular character actors in the last week or so.
Exhibit 3: After the judge bangs their gavel and declares court is in session, they lean in close and whisper, “Remember that time Briscoe and Curtis show up in a court with someone people think is a key witness, but it’s actually a bluff to throw off the defendant and they end up incriminating themself? I think we should try that.”
Exhibit 4: Before delivering their opening statement, they perform a vocal warm-up consisting of humming, lip buzzing, and tongue trilling the guitar riff from the Law & Order theme.
Exhibit 5A: If the opposition objects to one of their questions, they ask for a rewrite and another take.
Exhibit 5B: If the judge asks them to rephrase a question, they ask for a rewrite and another take.
Exhibit 5C: If a tense moment on the stand makes them emotional, they ask for a quick touch-up from hair and makeup and another take.
Exhibit 6: They constantly ask the bailiff where to find the craft services table.
Exhibit 7: While other lawyers take and review notes throughout the trial, they watch Jack McCoy highlights on YouTube under the table.
Exhibit 8: Instead of calling an expert witness, they call actors who have played an expert witness on past episodes of Law & Order.
Exhibit 9: They don’t ask for a recess, they ask the judge, “When is the next commercial break?”
Exhibit 10: They do not cite old case law such as Latimer v Gershon, 1997, 3rd Circuit, 973, instead, they refer to old shows, such as, Law & Order: SVU Season 7 Episode 16, Closet.
Exhibit 11: Following closing arguments, they give a standing ovation and declare, “That’s the Emmy submission.”
Exhibit 12: They punctuate everything they say with “Dun Dun.”