The Wedding Countdown for the Couple You Vaguely Knew in College Starts Now

568 more days! Please contribute to this lovely couple’s Honeymoon Fund. Time is ticking. The best way you can celebrate their beautiful bliss at this time is by donating to the Honeymoon Fund. There is no registry.

500 days to go. Please donate to give this very solidly upper-middle-class couple their dream honeymoon. These kids—(they’re 34)—deserve the best. They’ve been to Switzerland, Italy, and Greece but with your money, they can finally visit South Africa. It’s their dream to go on a safari adventure. They already booked a non-refundable trip through a travel agent so your donation is even more crucial. The Honeymoon Fund accepts Venmo, cash, and, if you must, checks. If you don’t have money available, they’ll take your car or jewelry. It’s a little inconvenient but their people will handle the reselling. Electronics are acceptable as well, but only if they’re Apple.

Only 369 days to go. The calendar year of the wedding is approaching. Have you donated to this beautiful couple’s Honeymoon Fund yet? There is no better way to celebrate them than making sure you donate. If you care about them at all, you’d do it now. What are you waiting for? A CCTV camera shows you were able to purchase milk, bread, eggs, and boxed tea at the supermarket. Interesting that you have money for that but can’t donate to this gorgeous couple who will be spending thousands to make sure you can eat chicken and dance under repurposed purple Bar Mitzvah lights with their DJ cousin.

This is getting ridiculous. The wedding in 279 days and six hours. Where is the Honeymoon Fund donation? It doesn’t go unnoticed that you paid your ER co-pay for your little panic attack and yet didn’t donate. Did you ever stop to realize how lucky you were to even get this invite? This couple knows so many people with more accolades than you and your 203 Instagram followers. They felt bad for you, all right? They felt bad for you living your pathetic little life and thought they would invite you. They wanted to give you a little something to look forward to, but you can’t even do the bare minimum and donate? If only they would have known your true colors. They didn’t realize you wouldn’t be appreciative. They didn’t realize you would drag your feet and refuse to donate to them. Even if you donate, your measly little sum probably won’t even be able to pay for one of the trip excursions.

The wedding is in 150 days and nothing has changed. The Honeymoon Fund hasn’t received a donation from you yet. Why don’t you take a good look in the mirror and try to figure out why you’re so rotten and jealous? Yes, you’re single and lonely and you will never have a dream honeymoon like this, but does that really mean you can’t be supportive? Are you that self-centered and greedy that you can’t put your feelings aside for a second to donate? If you really can’t afford a cash gift right now, they are willing to set you up with a fertility clinic. They’ll take the $8k and you’ll make the donation. It shouldn’t have to come to this but you really leave no other choice. You have had months to figure out a way to make a donation. You could have been making quarterly payments.

Instead, there’s still no contribution from you. The Honeymoon Fund is monitored daily and everyone sees how cheap you really are.

100 days until the wedding and—actually, the wedding is off. The groom was funneling the Honeymoon Fund into crypto. It’s not that he lost it all but he did lose his password. Donations will not refunded at this time. This inbox is not monitored. If you have questions or concerns, please reach out to the mother of bride at mybabyisgoing2beamrs.