Team Building Activities HR Won’t Let Me Do for Some Reason
Matching tattoos
Going around and saying what you dislike about everyone
DIY ax throwing in the parking lot
Fish microwaving contest
Egging Janet in HR’s car (for charity)
A game I will not be explaining in advance called “Piss fish”
Food fight
Bracket-style competition for which coworker you would actually save in the trolley problem
Breaking into HR’s office and destroying evidence of The Incident Janet wrote me up for
Fighting to the death for the last breakroom donut
Fighting to the death for the big promotion
Fighting to the death for the love of violent competition
Snakes (for charity)
Everyone shares the worst thing that happened in their life
Dressing up as what Janet wrote you up for
Weekend retreat hosted by Bear Grylls
Fear Factor but with Janet’s lunches
Releasing 100 rats in the building and the person who ends up with the most rats wins
Speed running a full season the The Bachelor
Speed running a full season of Love Island
Speed running a full season of Flavor of Love
Reading and giving me constructive yet gentle feedback on my manuscript, an activity Janet insisted was “an inappropriate use of working hours”
Fridge leftover eating contest
Having a repeat of The Incident where you see if the desk in Janet’s office is made of real wood by axing it up and trying to make a fire in her office but accidentally setting the carpet on fire and causing the company millions (for charity)
Building an apology desk together, upcycling all the paperwork from the previous activity