Longest Sentences Produced by a Monkey I Borrowed Money from but Never Paid Back

“The longest recorded monkey sentence was in the 1970’s by Nim Chimpsky who used American Sign Language to say, ‘Give orange me give eat orange me eat orange give me eat orange give me.’”  —Terrace, H. S.

Hello. Hello. You. Hello. You. You.

Excuse me. Hello. Excuse me. Hello. Excuse me. Hello.

Money? Money? Money? Excuse me. Money? Money? Money?

You. Give. Now. Money. Me.

You. Hand. Money. Me. Hand. Now.

Give. Give. Give. Give. Money. Money. Money. Money.

Give. Money. Give. Money. Give. Money. Give. Money. Now.

Please? Please. Please!

Okay. Okay Okay. I See.

Me. Learn. Scary. Word. You. Wait. You. See.

Bitch.

I. Money. No. You. Money. Bitch.

Me Money. Me Money. You Money. You Money. Bitch Bitch.

Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.

Me Money. No From Tree. Banana From Tree. Coconut From Tree. No Me Money.

I See What You Do Me.

You. Think. Do Anything. Me. Not Problem.

I Problem. I Big Problem.

Me. Give. Week. No Money? Big Problem.

You Run. Me Run. You Hide. Me Find.

Hello? Where Go You? Hello? Excuse me. Hello? Hello?

Bitch.

***

You! Hello. Big Time No See.

You No Here. You Invisible. Me Worry.

Me Call. Leave Voice. I Go You House. Nobody Door.

Me See Something In Window But It Go Away.

I Go Bar. Tired From Look. Then Who I See? You.

Casino Man You. Spend Big Money. Who Money? Me Money?

I Call You Name Say “No Not Him. I No Him.” Sunglass You Face. Run Away.

You Think Me Joke? You Laughter Me? You See Picture Me You Say:

“Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh.”

Me Listen Accountant Next Time. Accountant Say Bad You. No Pay Me.

I Say “No No, He Pay He Pay.” He Say “He No Pay.” You Prove He Right. I Wrong.

My Money Hard Earn. Years In Monkey Business.

Go On. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Monkey Business No Real To You.

You Think:

Money For Free. Monkey Drink Pee.

Money For Bank. Monkey For Stank.

Money For You. Monkey Eat Poo.

Money For Take. Monkey For Break.

I Take You Something. See How You Like. You No Like.

Hello? Excuse Me. Hello? Excuse Me.

You Be Back. Bad Always Return To Scene Crime.

***

Hello.

Hello. Yes? Hello. Hello. Yes? Yes?

I Monkey. No Mad. No Angry. Just Monkey. Hello.

Happy Monkey. No Problem. No Money Care. Hello.

Me Like Orange. Me Like You. Hello.

Come Close Cage. You Me. Me Give Hug. It Okay. No Ouch.

No Be Scared. Trust. Me Friend.

Me Nice. Give Arm. Make Photo.

Yes. Good. Yes. Good. Good.

We Happy. Me Friend. No Money. No Sad. Friend. Forever. And Ever––

Oops!

Me Make You Arm Go Wrong Way?

I Sorry. Oops!

Me Make Bleed? Oh Boy.

I Sorry. Oops! I Sorry. Oops! Oops!

What Say? You Want Me Have Money Now?

You Give? Me? Now? I Have?

Oops!

No Time. I Sorry. Oops! Time Over.

You Money No Good Here. Oops!

You Arm Good. Me Take. Thank You!

I Scratch Me Back With You Arm. Thank You!

Me Reach You Pockets With You Arm. Oops!

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

Me Take Wallet. Me Take Key.

Me Wave You Arm.

Goodbye Bitch!