Interview Questions for Potential Employers Who Refuse to Reveal the Salary

The job description mentioned “complimentary fruit.” Could you please elaborate?

As in, what fruit are we talking about?

Just apples, bananas, and an occasional nectarine?

Would you consider branching out into, say, mangoes and pomegranates?

Who oversees the fruit bowl?

What qualifications or previous experience do they have in fresh produce procurement?

Do you have the budget for pineapples at this time?

Is the role purely office-based, or would you consider a hybrid model? Ideally, I’d work from home for the most part and come into the office when I’d like to stock up on fruit.

Can you tell me about the team?

Sorry to interrupt—I don’t care about their roles, personalities, or families. I’m trying to find out if they’re greedy fruit goblins?

Uh huh. And do you think Jeff would be interested in my mangos, pomegranates, and/or pineapples?

Would you consider letting Jeff go?

What if he was found to be mismanaging company fruit?

Is there somewhere we can put the fruit bowl that would be inaccessible to Jeff?

I see from the job description that you have other “perks,” one being activity days. For those who’d rather do literally anything over kayaking with apple accumulator Jeff, can we instead be left alone in the office with a luxury fruit hamper?

I’m glad you said no because it makes more sense for the hamper to be delivered directly to my apartment, no?

Where do you see the company’s complimentary fruit scheme in five years?

As in, are we talking about personalized fruit platters or a fruit farm with a limitless supply?

Have you seen that fruit charcuterie boards are a thing?

Could I get one of those on a bi-weekly basis?

Would you like to know my current fruit-based compensation package?

Finally, before I commit to taking another day off (unpaid) from my current role for a 6th stage interview with you for a job that may or may not pay a living wage, could I try a piece of fruit now to test the quality?

Please?