I’ll Put Whatever the Hell I Want in the Little Free Library
I don’t care if my neighbors squawk about the “literary value” of my filled-in Mad Libs or my Bill O’Reilly Omnibus. These are books I treasured through the years and now see fit to bestow upon my community. Also, I’m moving in a month and books are heavy. Damn heavy!
I entertained many a dinner guest reciting from Tom Tuttle’s Tongue Twisters and Pudge Harvey’s Racy Limericks. Memorize a few of them for your next cocktail party or company event—it beats small talk, and will earn you the reputation of a funster!
Envy the person who ends up with that book of logic puzzles, because he or she will be on the road to adding a couple IQ points. And don’t tell me the information in 1982’s Encyclopedia Olympia is outdated! Granted, Yugoslavia’s not a country anymore, but I’m pretty sure a rhombus remains a four-sided, four-angled…whatever it is. It’s in there.
Within that red three-ring binder you’ll find a portfolio of tasting notes from every dish and glass of wine I sampled on my river cruise through Europe. Dig in and let your imagination take you on the same culinary journey. It’s like food-scrolling without the obnoxious pictures!
The back copies of Cat Fancy are almost certainly collector’s items, as is the MacGyver VHS box set. Don’t sleep on those motivational books either; I’ve highlighted all the best bits and added my own notes in the margins, providing what you might call a “shortcut to success.”
So what if I’m the author of some of these volumes? I daresay they’re a lot more readable than some of the other dusty tomes you’ll find in there. I can no more stem my creative output than I can stop the Mississippi River. It might seem like a lot, but believe me, I’m giving you the cream of the crop.
Yes, I wrote a chapbook of romantic sonnets, because I too am inspired by that winged imp, Eros. I usually take the framework of a classic and add my own twist, to wit, “Shall I compare thee to a melty grilled cheese?” I strove to make them as quotable as possible, the way Shakespeare intended.
The black composition notebook contains sketches for my comic strip about two cantankerous engineers marooned on a desert island. Each time one invents something to make life easier, the other comes along and criticizes the design, leading to their characteristic slap-fight scuffle and the inevitable destruction of the invention! This was quite popular in my office.
The quadrilogy of self-published fantasy novels (written under a pseudonym) do not need to be read in order, although I highly recommend it to keep the continuity and momentum of the saga intact. It is said that the third book in the series is the flagship of my oeuvre, but I’m curious as to how my neighbors may be divided on this issue. There is an author Q&A section at the end that illuminates my thought process and methodology.
Feel free to redistribute material into other Little Free Libraries around town. I’ve included my contact info in the author bio, should anyone know any agents looking for something raw and real. And above all, free!
I could make money on this stuff, but I prefer to pay it forward. A wise man once said: “He who shares with the world the fruits of his mind is bound to expand the plot of land on which his heart lays claim” (my memoir, No Man Is An Island, But I’m Far Out, Ch. 18, lines 44-45, also in there).
Incidentally, if anyone finds my wife’s daily planner, please let me know.