As a “Short King” Please Understand I Am Duty Bound to the Magna Carta
Much like crisp, clean shoes, we short kings appreciate honest communication. We know there’s a stigma out there in regard to dating shorter men. Most of it is blown out of proportion, but there are some things you should be aware of. In order to prevent a revolt of the barons, we kings (short and otherwise) decided to accept the statutes of the Magna Carta in 1215, and we haven’t looked back.
But it’s not all bad stuff! Here’s a list of the pros and cons of dating a short king.
Pro: Everything in our apartment will be within your reach
Con: You can’t wear heels
Pro: You can be the big spoon
Con: All evil customs relating to forests and warrens, foresters, warreners, sheriffs and their servants, or river-banks and their wardens, are at once to be investigated in every county by twelve sworn knights of the county, and within forty days of their enquiry the evil customs are to be abolished completely and irrevocably. So sadly, quite frequently we will have leave during movie night to oversee the search for knights and an exorcist.
Pro: For some reason we all seem to have very stylish hair $:)
Con: All fish-weirs shall be removed from the Thames, the Medway, and throughout the whole of England, except on the sea coast. For us short kings outside of the UK, this requires a lot of travel.
Pro: You can tag along during our flights to England, plus you’ll never hear us complain about lack of legroom :p
Con: No town or person shall be forced to build bridges over rivers except those with an ancient obligation to do so. Not usually a problem, but it’s something you should be aware of. We might have to run to the library to check on someone’s “ancient obligations.”
Pro: Often in conversation you will be compared to Zendaya :0
Con: No one shall be arrested or imprisoned on the appeal of a woman for the death of any person except her husband. Now, we’re not proud of this one, but rules are rules. So, we often have to act as character witnesses against women in court. Defense lawyers still have to defend murderers, and it’s an important part of the system. We hope to be viewed in a similar light.
Pro: When you borrow our car you don’t have to adjust the seat :)-|-<
Con: Your dad will call us “little guy” when we’re not around
Pro: No free man shall be seized, imprisoned, dispossessed, outlawed, exiled or ruined in any way, nor in any way proceeded against, except by the lawful judgement of his peers and the law of the land. Pretty cool if you ask us
Con: No constable or other bailiff is to take anyone’s corn or other chattels, unless he pays cash for them immediately, or obtains respite of payment with the consent of the seller. Because of our frequent involvement in corn disputes, popcorn can often be triggering for us, so we don’t like having it around the house, another issue during movie night.
Pro: You’ll never hurt your neck craning for a kiss :-*
We know many of your friends will be curious about what it’s like dating a shorter man. Hopefully this list can help them understand that we’re just like anyone else: we want to love, and to be loved, and to maintain our supremacy over the peasantry and gentry alike, albeit with a few paltry concessions to make them feel of any importance within our divine shadow.